It is Valentines Day, or more correctly, Lupercalia. As such, I have been doing a lot of readings of late that have related to the issue of love and lovers. It is not unusual or unfair that a lot of people are looking for and asking about ‘the one’. The reading may not start off as that, but when we drill down to their most pressing concern it is love, or really, a perceived lack of love.
I say a perceived lack of love for several reasons. First off, love is always there if you want it. If you can find a moment to ground, be silent and connect with your deepest self and/or with nature under your feet, there is an endless source love available.
Secondly, the modern version of Valentines, like a lot of Western culture elevates romantic love above other sources of love. When I talk to my clients who are yearning for romantic love and who are feeling distinctly ‘unlovable’, after some exploration it becomes apparent that there are plenty of other sources of love in their lives – siblings, parents, children, friends, pets etc. These sources of love are just as important as romantic love.
Thirdly, modern Valentines focuses on the external than internal, both in terms of symbolic and actual sources of love. All love starts from within but is supported by the love around you. Love can come from the people in your life and from yourself. And love can be symbolized by culturally agreed upon signs such as love hearts and chocolates, but you will have your own symbols for love. You might find that a good cup of coffee, animals, daises versus roses, the forest versus fancy restaurants are what symbolize love for you. Why are these symbols of love important? Because they give you a good idea of where your bliss and happiness lies.
Fourthly, while having a loving partner can be a rewarding experience, learning how to be on your own is vital to establishing a loving relationship later on. This is because rather than looking for someone to fill the hole and lack you feel within, if you are comfortable on your own and know yourself, when you meet someone new you can focus on them and who and how they are as opposed to unconsciously sizing them up in relation to whether or not they fill the hole you feel within. That is, if you are comfortable being on your own you are more likely to meet others on an equal level.
Fifthly, valentines not only alienates a lot of single people but can make being single feel like a fault. It’s not. In fact some people I have done readings for have discovered that over the course of a few readings that they enjoy being single. It’s actually been a choice on their part because they enjoy it.
Your relationship status does not define you.
If we look at the origins of Valentines: Lupercalia, we can see it was a festivity devoted to fertility, freedom, nurturing and sexual instinct. What can you do to make your life a place that is more fertile and rich in love? If we look towards the wolf (the focus of ‘Luper’calia) and draw on their traits for developing a life abundant with love we see that wolves are highly sociable, loyal, intelligent and instinctive. If you want to foster greater love in your life spend time with those who make you happy, listen to what your instincts are telling you and think carefully about how to implement those desires. Also, think about opening your mind to broader definitions of love. Are there places in the world you’d love to visit? Are their crafts or arts you would love to master? Is there someone you miss and care for that you haven’t spoken to in a long time? When was the last time you gifted yourself a day of indulgence? When was the last time you spent some time with your totem or your muse?
And hey, don’t be afraid to go a little wild. Don’t let the restrictions and traditions of one day bring you down, make the day your own and make love a life long mission that you commit to for yourself but share with those around you.
Love and blessings,